7:22 a.m. - 2006-04-15
A lifetime of first
A lifetime of firsts.
Yesterday I had a good customer come in the cleaners and ask me "how's your mom getting along" Well, my standard answer to that question is "as good as can be expected, I guess" What kind of question is that? After the death of her spouse of over 50 years? She's never had to sleep alone, she's never had to make decisions alone, she's never had to do anything that she didn't discuss with Dad before. So, HOW COULD she be doing? Then, he said, at least you don't have to have the first major holiday be Christmas....and that got me in tears again....damn people.
Shortly after dad died, a friend of mine told me that when her dad died nothing was quite the same ever again. But the first year was the worst. For, her, anyway, when the anniversary of the date of his death came around it was like a cloud lifted...her year of first were over. I've thought about that a lot, and I realize that yes, I'm working through a year of first. Today is the first Tax day that dad isn't here, tomorrow will be the first Easter, Monday will be the first April 17 th... Wednesday will be the first time he's not around for HIS birthday...and next Sunday, my first son will get married without him there. Yesterday I had to watch as my best friend sent her husband off to IRAQ to be support for a STUPID war, (but that's another subject) And that's a First time dad wasn't there to voice his opinion. there are NEW first every damn day...so every day is hard to get through without shedding some tears. Every Fucking day!
So never, ever again, will I tell someone to "get over it!" because you don't. It gets easier, it gets put to the back of you're mind...but there will alway's...alway's be firsts....and the worst part is, I have another parent that someday will die, and I will have to do this all again....
Hugs
Candy
